So you aren't famous. Or 'burlesque' famous. Me neither. And I'm okay with that.
This is a post that has been brewing around in my mind for awhile now. Inside and outside our burlesque world, we are all bombarded with messages about how to "network" and how to look great on Instagram. The desire to be ‘liked’ more and more.
This used to consume me, many years ago. That search for really wanting to be everyone's friend. To have all the performers you admire follow you on social media. To have people craving your opinion and wanting to interact with you.
I think it's a natural tendency to want to be loved/adored/worshipped in some way.
But the flipside is that in burlesque you can really get obsessed with the number of likes a photo gets. How many comments you have. How many gigs you have done. Who you worked with. How much you travelled. How much you earned.
It’s placing a lot of your self worth in the hands of others.
I guess what I'm talking about is the internal, consuming-ness of wanting to be sought after. That notion of wanting to be someone 'bigger' than yourself. That's different than just wanting to improve your performances or to be booked more.
Here's the thing that I couldn't reconcile with myself as I perpetuated this cycle. I'm not like that in real life.
If you haven't had the pleasure of meeting me before, here's what to expect:
I have too many thoughts in my brain that it just can’t contain
I've got an opinion on everything
I have a resting bitch face
My heart is buried under a graveyard. It's there but you basically have to navigate a cementary, dig through some dirt, a coffin and a heap of skeletons to get access to it.
This may sound a big negative. But it's a fairly honest representation of me as an individual - not just as a performer. I'm never one to not have an opinion, to say something I don't mean and to blow smoke up someone's ass if they don't truly deserve it. Although my burlesque, work and (lack of) personal life are fairly separate entities - my identity as an individual isn't. I am who I am (*cue the musical sounds of La Cage Aux Follies *)
I still put effort into my acts and my business. But I've realised that I'm not a popular person in my daily life. I don’t have 500 friends. I’m not a social butterfly. And it takes me ages to truly trust and let people into my life. So why would I be any different in my burlesque life? An why would I be looking for approval so damn much.
In the art of being more authentic and true to myself, and to stop the endless cycle of trying to be one of those amazing, cool and and really desirable artists that looks amazing on Instagram, I made some changes.
I culled my ‘friends’ back on Facebook to reflect artists and people that I either teach, network with or have met in person.
Culled my social media to something manageable
Cut back acts I hated performing.
Cut back doing shows I didn't want to do.
The mental health, social, and work life balance have all improved dramatically. Switching off that inner voice and telling it to calm down, has completely shifted my attitude to burlesque itself. I'm more focused on acts that inspire me and delight me, and that I want to work on and build.
I also work with the performers I enjoy booking or working with. t.
This has it's drawbacks FOR SURE. You really have to walk around with a sign on your face saying "Look at all the fucks I give". And I realise I say this with the luxury of someone that works full time, teaches burlesque and that doesn't rely on performing as a genuine income stream. But if you are in that space of feeling so caught up in being 'everything'. Being 'ON' and being 'glamorous' all the time the only advice I can give is:
Really do some deep (boring and wanky) soul searching. If you are searching for approval from other people, figure out why. And try to switch it off. If there's one thing I've learnt in life it's that approval needs to come from within. If you are waiting from it from other people (performers, friends, family) you'll be waiting a long time. Your self worth is more than what other people think of you.
If you have the luxury of being choosy about gigs. DO IT. You know the thoughts about 'free gigs' and how 'unfree' they are. Pick wisely
Work out which performers give you energy and make you feel great. Work out who saps your soul in seconds. Avoid them like the plague. Work with people you love being around, who bring out the best in you. I guarantee you will feel more inspired and your work will improve.
Do acts you love. Don't try to be something you're not.
And finally.....be okay with being uncool or unpopular. You've seen enough teen films to know how it all ends.