You are worth it!
Approval comes from within
It's great to hear the applause of the audience and to have people buzzing over you after a show telling you how great/glamorous/fantastic you are.
Who doesn't love a compliment, right?
In my experience this can have a flipside that can be dangerous for your self esteem.
We have all experienced that post -show blues. That feeling when all the buzz disappears.
We have all had that quiet crowd.
And we have all tanked or had an ‘off’ night.
These experiences can plague you. You feel like crap.
This can be worsened again when your judgement and faith in how good you are is based on a revolving door of other people’s approval: whether it’s through applause, great comments or the general love-in from your audience.
It is critical that you have a connection to your audience. Burlesque is unique because it is so interactive. We build energy onstage and connection that goes beyond passive viewing.
But this doesn’t need to turn into a cycle of negative or unhelpful thought processes. It’s not helpful to measure your success solely in the eyes of others. You are important too!
All we can do as performers is to prepare ourselves to the best of our ability, and set out a dedicated plan (one that is realistic and in line with where we are at in our careers).
Enjoy that spotlight of course. But make sure your definition of success is driven by yourself.
Sounds simple. But getting out of the cycle is hard. Here are my top tips.
Get the right feedback
Getting constructive feedback is important. Figure out that inner circle of people - friends, mentors, teachers etc - whose opinions actually matter. This should be a super small group of people who:
Are invested in you as a performer
Have some genuine expertise
Will give you that mixture of praise without blowing smoke up your ass
Take time to get good feedback
Like any other job, burlesque can be a cycle of ongoing improvement. But you need to find the time and space to do that. If you were in a 9-5 job, you wouldn’t have a performance review in a que for your morning coffee. Equally, you don’t need to get feedback until you are ready.
Make time and space to get the right feedback at the right time and in the right way. Depending on your style and needs you might need:
A message on social media or an email
A deconstruction of some video footage
A formally booked workshop or review.
Get some perspective
Step back and put your performing into context. If I have a good night onstage, it doesn't make me a better daughter, friend, lover, person. Equally, if I have a bad night it doesn't define me. I'm still the same person. I’m still capable of kindness, of being loving and receiving love. Performing is just one element of my life.
Give yourself a daily mantra
This is super daggy and twee, right? But I set myself an affirmation. Normally I do this when I'm at yoga, but you could do it making a piece of toast. Find a mantra, a goal, a thought that means something to you.
Lately I have been repeating the quote from Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Other days I simply set an intention, like "I'm taking 20 minutes today to rehearse because it's important to me" or "I will offer more kindness in my teaching today". But I do something for myself that isn’t resting my self worth in other people.
The audience reaction is one component of measurement in burlesque. It is important when people are paying money that we give our utmost. But don’t value yourself based solely on the approval of others. If you do that you perpetuate constant approval seeking. The way you set your own goals and assess your body of work is also critical.
Did this help? Or have you got some great tips for keeping your head screwed on ? Pop them in the comments below!